Part one: The Nature Of Temptations
Temptation is a weakness, acknowledged. While being gay, I was doing many online and offline gay activities, as well as meeting with other gays intimately. At that time all of these were not my temptations because I didn’t acknowledge any of that as a weakness. I was in that zone and that was my life.
Once I decided to change, to take a different road in life, temptations became alive. Because I saw and realized that with a coming change some things needed to go and no longer be the part of my life, that behaviour which was my everyday life suddenly became temptation and something to get rid of. This means to acknowledge a weakness, to define something as a temptation.
So, dear reader, your temptation is a certain behaviour that you acknowledged as a weakness, as something unwanted in your life, whatever that behaviour is. The way of living became a temptation once you decided to take a different direction for your life.
In their nature, in their substance, temptations are the facts of the past. They are the result of long cherished and supported imagination that eventually became alive and lived out. And that is all.
What you now call a temptation, was your habitual way of living, in the past. At that time it was not called temptation because, put simply, you didn’t care. Now that habit “suddenly” became unwanted and bad. However, call it good or bad or somewhere in the middle, it was a habit. And to some extent it may still be a habit.
What you did dozens or hundreds of times in the past became your custom and routine. Before it used to bring you momentary pleasure or a sense of direction and belonging; Now it brings you unrest and doubts.
To conclude, temptations are deeply rooted habits (dependencies, styles, modes) that you now acknowledge as weaknesses and you simply want them out of your life, forever.
Ok, so, what’s the deal? Why don’t they go out of our lives easily and immediately?
Because it cannot be denied that our temptations do wreak a havoc in our lives and make us feel like fakes, pretenders and failures and like we are always at the beginning.
Why don’t they disappear after a sincere prayer to God? What makes them powerful if they are “just habits”? Why are they coming back?
Because we are living beings, who not only think, but we also feel. And let’s be honest, even though we feel bad about our temptations before and after doing them, they feel good while we are doing them.
The answer is in our feelings. Our feelings, feelings that make us alive, they make and keep temptations alive.
Which feelings? Lust, happiness, desire, power, insecurity, instability? Sure. But usually there are three predominant feelings that keep the temptation ticking:
The feelings (and accompanying desire) of SAFETY, ACCEPTANCE AND BELONGING.
Next in part two: Origin of temptations