“For I delight in the law of God after the inward man:
But I see another law in my members, warring against the law of my mind, and bringing me into captivity to the law of sin, which is in my members.
Oh wretched man that I am! Who shall deliver me from the body of this death?
I thank God through Jesus Christ our Lord…”
Romans 7: 22-25
A forceful hunger for men was in me; I was the wretched man too. But that was not the real me. It was clear to God that the feelings and desires of my body were the consequence. Of what? Of years of thinking and believing one thing. I and others planted so many erroneous thoughts into my mind that my body reacted as it did and it did what it got used to do. It was impossible to be any different than that. My body was giving me the fruit of my thoughts. Gay desires were like an always burning fire in me, with a mix of hidden shame and guilt. My body was pulling in one direction and my mind and will in the opposite. I felt like on a roller coaster, never knowing what would hit me next.
It usually takes time to fix the twisted ways of the body. God does it through your obedience to Him. He knows. So forgive yourself. There is no point in beating yourself up with thoughts like “Why this feeling again? I will never change.” Don’t fear the feelings in you. Acknowledge them and move on! Continue dwelling on hope! Change the focus from shame to God. Kiss and forgive yourself! Exclaim just like Paul did: “I thank my God through Jesus Christ!” You see the formula at work here? He didn’t pretend the feelings were not there. Yet he switched his FOCUS from body of death, to God! I can see him shaking the internal dust off and cheerfully singing along the way!
Did it work? Oh yeah, baby, it worked! He got healed and strong and wrote most of the New Testament. I tell you, it worked.
I did it too. You do the same.