THE MIND IS the fantasy’s playground. A lot of things happen between our ears every minute. Many are ashamed of what’s going on there. Many are afraid to talk about most of their thoughts and actions done in secret, fearing judgement. Well, some were not afraid. They learned that it is fear that is the killer, not the truth. Here are a few examples of made confessions:
– Wild gay movies in your mind, usually with many people at the same time, in poses that are almost impossible to be done in reality;
– Walking down the street, checking on a same sex person and in a split-second seeing him or her naked;
– Smelling your own dirty socks and masturbating, imagining feet of a hot person who you know and like;
– Using a banana for purposes other than eating, sometimes with a condom on it;
– Using the thick permanent marker (not for marking or writing);
– Looking at yourself in the mirror and getting horny at your own body;
– Imagining how other same-sex people spit on you and you enjoy their saliva;
– Having a sudden urge to simply approach a stranger and beg if you can please them sexually;
– Trying out your cousin’s sexual organs around the time when both of you were in mid-teens…
I think I will stop here.
You may feel weird and dirty, because you know you are going against yourself. You may believe that no other living person had such secret and perverse thoughts as you did. And you feel bad because you know that you enjoyed those thoughts and would do them again.
Well, now that illusion is crushed. No more can the enemy tell you that you are the worst person walking on this planet and that you should be ashamed of yourself. No longer can the enemy isolate you by telling you that you would be hated and rejected, if others knew what was in your mind. I don’t encourage you to go around telling your secrets to everyone but I do hope that your burden of shame is being lifted off of you. I hope that you are starting to understand that these happen to many and that all of us get attacked spiritually, one way or another.
If anyone needs to be ashamed, it’s the devil. The examples of thoughts and actions came from him. He is dirty. He is perverse.
Rest assured that the few samples mentioned, as well as hundreds of other illustrations not mentioned, only show your current state of mind, which can be changed. Do you believe that this is the real you? I don’t. According to my experience that is not love. I was not born this way. I don’t believe that anyone was born with direction to live out those thoughts and desires. To me they are far from normal. They came up as the part of homosexuality placed on my life and the lives of many.
Check and explore within yourself and you may find that the reason why you were given these thoughts was because of your very low self-esteem. So far life probably bombarded you with disappointments and situations where you felt worthless. Some of us were verbally abused; some ignored; some neglected or simply not affirmed in our little childhood adventures. Some of us made things up and felt bad when there was no reason for that; some expected to be praised by parents but the praise never came; some grew without a firm role-model; many of us men were brought up by a mom who was so protective and caring that in turn we developed our female side more and thus lacked the strength of a man. Maybe one or more of the situations mentioned, happened to you too. The reasons can be numerous and the lack of stability became the breeding ground for perversion. And what was, does not have to be any more.
If you follow Jesus. With Jesus and his Word the perversion goes away. Sooner or later.
SHOUT the name of JESUS! What are you waiting for? He knows your every thought. YES, He knows YOU! And look how much He LOVES you, that no matter what you did and no matter what was done to you, He PROMISES to heal you and change your LIFE for good, for BEST!! He is not responsible for what happened. People are. Forgive them, they didn’t know what they were doing. They were successfully deceived by devil. Forgive yourself too. You were successfully deceived as well. Many times we get hurt by people who didn’t mean any harm. Also we can easily hurt others sometimes. It happens. Forgive.
And then shout and praise Him who is our cleaner and healer! Persist in the Word, do the Word in your daily routine and soon the day will come when you won’t even remember those savage and bizarre thoughts. And when you do remember them, you will laugh and thank God for making you clean and new. All thanks to Jesus.
Trust Jesus! He is the way to life. He IS life.