Only a Touch- December 12

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She took me back inside. My hand being held by hers’, it made me feel welcome and warm. I took the mental note of that.

She held my hand

‘But how could that be? How could we be together and she be my girlfriend when my feeling for men is so sweet and strong? I would never be able to make her happy.’ I squinted my eyes. We climbed down the slippery stairs back to the restaurant.

“Hey guys!” Marin shouted, “we left some wine for you. It’s great after Vodka. It’s smooth in the mouth and it hits you stronger.” he sounded like no one has ever come to that discovery before.

“Nah, thanks. I’ll stick to Vodka.” I finally pulled my self together and sat back in my chair.

“Did you see how stupid that bartender was?” Goga asked. “I ordered double gin tonic, and he charged me for one only.”

“It’s like we should order everything and pay for half of drinks only.” Luka sounded smart.

Soon the air became filled with smoke. Or was it me seeing funny and foggy after few drinks?

It was the new day.

“Good morning.” I opened my eyes only to see Luka yawning and stretching. Then his hand went down underneath his white sheets.

‘I wish I can put my hand there.’ I felt the rush coming up from the bottom of my belly, hitting me in the head.

“You bastard” he laughed, oblivious to my thoughts, “Why are you so crazy and touchy and all?” he said while playing under his sheets.

I was left speechless. I quickly shifted my eyes toward his face. then I turned toward the balcony door to the right. The sun was up. The whitish curtains didn’t block too much light and the room was bright. I chose not to answer him. Instead I commented : ” Again no snow at all. Nothing! Can you imagine? It looks like we won’t even use the skies this year.”

“Yea, friggin’ weather.” He said absent minded.

“I definitely want to be with Doris.” He sounded sure.

I swallowed. “Ok, if you like her.”

“Man, those boobs. Perfect” he snapped his lips. “So perfect.”

I sighed inwardly, the sudden expansion of my chest the only sign of the inner restlessness.

‘If only I can get a touch from him, all would be great.’ I felt a yearning, strong, more powerful than before. I wanted to hold on to that feeling so I wouldn’t have to come to realization that my friend wanted the girl and  not me.

‘I can’t wait to go home from this place’ I felt anguish raising in me. ‘It looks like I am doomed. All around me are men not interested in me. Not on a deep level, that is.’

I closed my eyes.

Anguish

 

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