Hope Became Reality

Welcome!

This website is for sharing with you the greatest and the best that I have to give!

What is happening to you? What are your questions for which it looks like there are no answers?  Mine were something like this:

“Am I gay or straight?”, “I feel so many different feelings that I really have no clue.”, “I think I am gay, but when I say to myself that I am, it somehow doesn’t feel right.”, “I want to be straight, but why do I feel so great by looking at that guy over there?”, ” I like men so much, for sure I am gay. Or…?”

The list of questions is probably endless. At least it was endless in my case.

First I had fantasies about men. Then I had boyfriends and I, man, became physically intimate with other men. I thought I loved them. But I didn’t care about them and their life. Only their bodies and attention I craved. Also, I didn’t love myself. I didn’t know what love was and how to love. I knew how to lust. I wasn’t bisexual-women were not my interest. My life started to be pointless and no matter where I looked, the emptiness was close by. Silently I screamed for answers.

Enthusiastically I bought few self-help books. They didn’t help. Yoga and meditation were promised as the answers to worry and despair. They didn’t help. Inspirational books which told me to think positively were supposed to lift me up to heavens. They didn’t help either. The advice usually worked for a week and then I was back to my old ways, lustful and like in prison. The therapist didn’t help. After I asked him: “Doctor, who am I ?”, he answered “I don’t know.” Openly admitting that I was gay didn’t help. The people I cared about most reacted better than I expected and they loved and accepted me. I fell into my mom’s embrace. Her hug and soft face melted the years of anguish and fear away. I received the encouragement of friends who told me: “Cheer up. You are fine. It will all be good.” Their acceptance made me happy for a while but it did not solve the problem.

Soon after, convinced that I was a happy and carefree gay and feeling the new freedom, I did the first thing that popped up in my mind: I went to the gay night club, few blocks away from where I lived. Well dressed and with a hint of perfume that was supposed to floor all around me, I entered the club. What I saw made my jaw drop and the bewildered look was on my eyes. I saw the bunch of people going nowhere. I saw the empty eyes yearning for me. My stomach and insides felt like they were crunched and smashed. I knew then and there that I was not to be the part of them. Not knowing how, but trusting in this realization in front of my eyes, panting for air I rushed outside. With my back turned to the night club door I said aloud: “NEVER AGAIN!”

The battle started. I didn’t know what to do next. I realized though, that it was not about being accepted by my friends and family. That was very important  but it was not about them. It was about me.

In effect, by loving me, my family and friends gave me the freedom of choice. I didn’t even know about the choice until then. It scared me. I didn’t know what to do with it.  But I learned that I would be loved no matter what I chose.

Scared and brave,I chose what I knew was right. Eventually, the confirmation that I chose what was right, came to me: I began to be in peace and felt much stronger than before. I was encouraged by the Christian friend to keep going on and soon after everything was explained to me…

Today I am the healed man. Healed from all the sins of the past. I am finally free! It makes me happy to tell my story to everyone, hoping that it may help you,the soul struggling with the same issue.

I was under the attack of demonic forces and I didn’t even know it then. But I knew the pain. It was real and many times I felt like the death was near. We are attacked because of our goodness and our weaknesses make us the easy target. But we can fight back. I did it and like many more before me, I won the battle. There is more to you than meets the eye! You can do it too!

Know that you are a good person, that’s why you are attacked. If you don’t have any spiritual background,  like I didn’t have any, this may be hard to understand, but it is true.

All these things are true and the Bible is true. Whatever was impossible became possible and doable. Bible’s promises are real if you want to come out on the other side like a hero. If many did it, many more can do it as well. And you are not alone.

Sinisa